How to find the right Host Family for an Aupair??

        There are several aspects that you have to put more concern on before deciding which kind of Host Family you want to live with. Basically, the entire of the points were coming from the way you make your definition about what is AuPair, in the first hand and what kind of treat do you want them to be during your period of stay. I am aware of this case because I've been in a situation where I get worst experience. I won't say that it was totally my HF mistake. I have the role of making the snowball mistake also in this case. There is no perfection in every relationship obviously, let alone in HF and AuPair's relationship that we barely know each other. But, that is why I don't want anyone to repeat the same mistake as me, that I have to change HF two times and live by relying on my relatives in between. I wish you can improve yourself by following these tips :) *cheers*. It is scary though, especially if you are living alone abroad and do not know anyone at all. So, here it is the additional tips to anticipate the risk of getting a bad experience before deciding on your Host Family.

 

1. Find your own Host Family without anyone else recommendation (IF POSSIBLE).

       I know it's getting easier, to get HF from your circle but to get your dream HF(?) It's a different case. Based on my experience and my relatives, both of us agreed if we choose HF from our friend's recommendation or from someone that we might think we know well, there is kind of a huge responsibility that we have to carry either to be better like their previous AuPair or more than that. Conscious or unconsciously it will affect the way you work later and try to force something that isn't you. There are two ways to deal with this scenario. First, you can do a background check from their previous AuPair: like asking them how they manage the family and why she can manage the family so well, and if you think you can handle it well congrats! we can move to another step which is Second, how much their previous AuPair or someone who gives you recommendation involved in your work after. Set boundaries from now on. Personally, I prefer to get the family from the direct interaction between me and the family so there is no codependency for you to their previous AuPair or the third party when facing the problem with your HF in the future and vice versa.

2. Managing Working Hours!!

        Declare how many hours you can work in a week with them and how much time they want you to work in a day. If both of you have a deal to work for 5 hours/day, for example, go ahead and tell them to make a transparent list about what you should have done in a day. These can lead to a misunderstanding situation with both of you in the future, especially if there is no firm foundation we can't check regularly. I don't want you to feel trapped like when you are someone who's come from a background with difficulties to say NO at first because you feel insecure to live with someone else in someone else place. So we can learn and improve the way we set our boundaries to minimize the blurry schedule that inevitably happens. Calculate openly at first, so you can move to discuss the working percentage about the kids and household topic. There are many options for this, and it depends on you and what expectation your HF wants. Whether you prefer for 50% focus with the kid and 50% on the household stuff or 70% on the kids and 30% on the household. It would be admirable. AuPair in my definition was having at least to have more time focused with the kids instead of the household. But in some cases, there are many HF candidate who looks forward to someone to help them with a household need, and there are some AuPair also that willing to focus with a household. So I hope you can consider what you are capable of and what you want before it has been set.

 

3. Asked every small details points before making an Agreement.

        I would definitely go to the perspective about what AuPair is in your HF candidates be like? in terms to avoid a bunch of mistakes from choosing the wrong HF. You might also be aware because some people could treat you like you are an employee so you have to perform yourself as a professionally good or yeah you could be counted as a part of their family or both. Let's go back to reality, well we all know if we decided to be an employee and met the HF who will treat you like an employee it's a perfect match but when it is different? so here it is some question that you can consider to ask them :

• Spare time

  I suggested to inform them what will you often do during your spare time, explain them how much you need it so badly, and clearly ask them what time you have to finish and what will you do afterwards, so there is no vaguely working hours from the time you are finish. We will be living together with them, so it's rather a quite tricky situation for us if there is no a divine clarity. 
  

• Share the same interest

  There are two kinds of activities, indoor and outdoor if you are kind of a person who likes to do a lot of things around your house, you might likely be an Indoor person. So you should kindly ask them are they having the same interest as you who prefer to do an indoor activity with their child? or if you found yourself as an outdoor person better to ask them also the details about it. For instance, like what kind of outdoor activities that they often do, and are they expect you will do the same things as them? or will it be fine for them if you like outdoor activities but you need time to be familiar and get used with outdoors activities in four seasons weather?

   

  Because I found a case where HF expected you to play with their kids outside while you are an indoor person or when you are an outdoor person, but they just expected you to play indoor. It could be a stimulating kind of a less exciting feeling from both.

• Privacy access

  We are the adults with minimum age from being an AuPair are 18 years old, so absolutely we have a necessity to have our privacy either for the family or for AuPair. You have to ask yourself, are you alright if you have a bedroom next to your HF bedroom or your host kids?. Also, clarify to them are they will be disrupted by you and your activities if you have a bedroom next to their bedroom?. or you prefer to have access from outside directly to your room so you don't have to disrupt them at night, for example, also they can't disrupt you at night because it was out of your working hours. so make it fair negotiation about it to elaborate the limitation about privacy stuff limits in a first place.
  

• Culture similarity or embrace cultural differences 

  In my opinion, AuPair is a cultural change program where I can live with them to learn about their culture and vice versa. It's not only about we learn about their culture (i suppose, but it might be wrong) but its also about showing them to learn a bit of our culture while we live together (because we can't hide it right away and that is also some response to respect each other background), while of course with helping them in a daily basic household at the same time. because my experience teaches me when I want to cook a bowl of rice with no rice cooker and my host family start to assume that I never cook because of it meanwhile they are cooked the rice with the saucepan!! Is that wrong of course not!! but, if you embrace the culture, the way you think about something will thrive to a different perceptive and be more sympathetic with the small mistakes.
  

   

4. Don't get trapped with "flexible" meaning.

        When someone asked me, could you work flexibly with us? of course I could, but this question conduct me to a conclusion where there are always two sides of perspective in every word definition to everyone. Then my experience taught me. I have to emphasize and dig deeper about "what is flexible meaning to them?" "is that the same as the flexibility definition that I want to offer?" because it's a matter to have the same vision despite all the different culture gaps among us. However, the "Flexible" word could have a different action in reality, especially in the AuPair case. First, it could be about being flexible during your working hour in a day with the family. It could be flexible in a whole week either for working hour flexibility or the day you have to work with or the flexibility in terms of what activities you have to do. In my case, I got my day off one time on Sunday, and my HF offers me to work on Sunday then replace it on Monday (that's what flexible definition for them). Anyway, I refused those offers because I thought I was flexible already in my working hours from Monday to Saturday. I was available to help them. But on Sunday, it is my only time to meet others people and the time for me to explore my curiosity. Moreover, to be flexible in everything, it seems like for me personally didn't know your limit and your worth to at the same time to explore the country that you have just experienced for a year. So it's a matter to state your own definition in a way to adjust and to reconnect two different people for making a great moment to remember in your AuPair experience. 

I think that is all about the additional tips that I have collected in my one-year experience as an AuPair. I hope it will help us a bit to minimize the misleading or misunderstanding while enjoying the new culture for us.